Confessions of a wife

Since the beginning of time (ok maybe not that long) it has sparked more feuds than I think any of us like to admit. Toothpaste. Do you squeeze from the middle the top, the bottom? Manufacturers have tried to put an end to the madness and marital squabbles. They have incorporated the pump, the flip top, even a clip to get every last, precious bit of paste out of the tube. You would think after a while somebody would find someway to rid us once and for all of middle tube squeezers.

I for one am a bottom tube squeezer. I admit it is a stupid thing but it is one thing I am passionately clean about. I mean this stuff is going to go in my mouth! This may also stem from having my own bathroom in my later teen years. I didn't have to share with anyone.

I love Steve. I rarely ever keep secrets from him. When somebody tells me something in confidence they have to just automatically assume Steve will know, because he's my lobster. He doesn't even care what the information is half the time, but I tell him anyway. However, I have kept a secret from Steve for about a month now and he found me the other night. I have my own hidden tube of toothpaste. There I said it! Whew, that feels better.

I did not think this was a big deal. Looking at the tube he was using made me want to barf. With it's goopy lid and oozing contents. I decided I wasn't the one being messy so I wasn't going to clean it. Eventually it got horrifying. So I decided it was time to move on. The reason I kept my tube secret is because I knew given the choice anyone would choose a clean tube over a nasty one. On that fateful night when Steve got his toothbrush out I said "I don't know how you can use that." He looked at me and said "Huh? What do you use?" "I'm not telling you cause I don't want you to use mine."

Then the chase pursued. He chased me around until I caved. He said he was uphauled and hurt that I would hide something like that from him. He said he was wondering why I didn't just clean his tube every morning, HA! Why didn't HE clean it every morning, or better yet just keep it clean. How do you get a goober sized ball of toothpaste on the lid?! I have been using my own personal tube now for weeks and there is not one toothpaste booger to be seen.

The cutest thing is he thought he was being all romantic because he had started squeezing from the bottom. I hope Steve will be able to find it in his heart to forgive me.I may have to remind him that there are worse things I could hide from him. He was teasing me that I probably had a secret husband too. "Of course I do and he squeezes from the bottom of the tube!"